existing alone in the world as a woman, never mind traveling abroad as one, is an exhausting and at times terrifying experience. traveling alone as a woman in morocco is probably not the worst but also not the best thing i’ve ever done. overall on a scale of 1-10, 1 being feeling completely safe & 10 being panic attack, i’d say i lived at a steady 7-8 throughout my trip. i’ve gotten quite a few questions about this, so i just wanted to take a few moments to share some of my experience.
first things first, this is a country under sharia law
that does not apply to foreigners/tourists but does certainly inform the atmosphere and general attitude towards women. i think the biggest way in which this particular fact impacted me was knowing that if i were to get in trouble, for defending myself against a man who was harassing or assaulting me, for example, i feared the police/law wouldn’t be on my side.
the same ways in which i am conscious of my standing and lack of protection as a queer person in the deep south of the US, i was conscious of my social standing, even as a foreigner, in morocco. it was like a blanket cloaking me that slowly felt heavier throughout my trip.
this was also evident in the fact that nearly all of my exchanges were exclusively with men. men own the souks, wait on customers at restaurants, run hostels, lead tours, hang on the streets, try to con you, etc. i think i only interacted with women a handful of times, in fact all that come to mind were three: a shop owner, the hammam manager, and an herbalist who did a demonstration on a tour stop.
let me be clear: i am not trying to say that i in any way understand what it is like to live as a woman under sharia law. i am also not saying that i was drastically looked down upon by every man i talked to or met, or that i witnessed women being treated horribly. this is just to say that it was the tinted glass i saw my experience through, & that it did surface in my mind on a frequent basis.
being gay is criminalized, which certainly weighed on me as well. i was very careful to not come out during my travels, which is something i’ve never experienced before. it is my understanding that foreigners can be prosecuted for homosexuality but that these cases are sporadically enforced and typically stem from instances of same-gender or same-gender presenting couples engaging in pda.
in short, this is heavily male-dominated society, & misogyny & queerphobia hung thick in the air.
souk owners will hassle you
this can include anything from simply calling out to you (often repeatedly), to blocking your path while talking at you, to literally grabbing you and pulling you toward their store. they will act polite, they were say it’s just a look, just for free, that they’re inviting you for tea, but there’s no two ways around it, it gets obnoxious.
this was drastically worse for me in fez than in marrakech, because the city isn’t as busy. in marrakech the streets are so packed it’s easy to disappear into the crowd. in fez, you were an open target with few other people to deflect or buffer.
in the main square of marrakech they set up tents full of food vendors at night. a fun place to grab a bite to eat turned human-dodging hell. these men were some of the most adamant, and most physical. they would block your path, shove menus in your face, swarm you, and literally make it impossible for you to move. as a woman, even in a small group, this ranged from simply overwhelming to flat out terrifying. & there was absolutely no way to get them to stop. we ended up having to physically push past a few.
in fez, since they had more time where you were vulnerable to them, they would walk alongside you and ask you repeatedly to come into their store, to just look. they would guilt you, claim they weren’t trying to sell anything, and try to make you feel rude for turning down their “invitation to tea.”
responding to souk hasslers
one of my friends from the hostel in marrakech said that on her first day she tried to avoid eye contact and didn’t speak to anyone. she said she got nasty looks, and was heckled more. once she changed her approach, made eye contact & responded, even if it was just “no thank you,” she said she got better results.
i went with the latter approach right out the gate and found it to be quite successful in marrakech. in fez, however, the sexual harassment was so much worse & the heckling was ruder, so i reverted to avoiding eye contact & not responding. by the end of my trip i was rolling my eyes, and nearly turning around to snap the necks of men who called after me.
what i did find most helpful, was placing my right hand over my heart. this is a gesture of respect & gratitude in morocco, and coupled with a few “no thanks you,” a smile, and a quick pace, i found it to be the most successful. it almost always changed the attitude of the person i was exchanging with, and made them more respectful.
sexual harassment is real, and it’s awful
along with souk hassling, i found sexual harassment to be drastically worse in fez than marrakech. in marrakech the hassling was typically because they wanted you to come into their store, i think i only counted 2-3 times my appearance was mentioned & it was typically fairly respectful and complimentary.
in fez, the men were disgusting. think construction worker in nyc kind of repulsive. commenting on my body, my leggings, making gross sounds as looking me over, constantly asking if i’m looking for a husband.
this is where i felt the above mentioned tension of sharia law the clearest. there were times, especially in my last few days there as my tolerance was all but vanished, that i thought about turning around and reaming the men for their behavior. while i wasn’t planning on physically assaulting them or doing anything illegal, i wasn’t sure how this would be taken by onlookers, the men themselves, and/or the police if they were to get involved. i knew the odds were stacked against me, which only compounded my feelings of helplessness, frustration, & anger.
everyone expects money—& can get violent if you won’t give it
if anyone offers you directions, asks if you’re lost, helps you find a cab, tries to take your luggage at the airport, they are looking for money. even if they say they’re not, even if you tell them you won’t pay, even if they claim they just want to help, they will ask for money at the end of your exchange.
it is also a common con that they will try to mislead you, send you in the wrong direction, or tell you a street in the médina is closed. they will claim gps doesn’t work (maps.me does have some difficulty if you’re under a roof in the médina) and intentionally try to get you confused & turned around so you have to rely on them. they will also follow you, as i wrote about in an earlier blog post. it can border on stalkerish behavior, and is extremely unsettling.
be direct and clear, be insistent, and increasly firm. tell them that you know what you’re doing, where you are, & where you’re going, even if you’re not.
it is also common for someone to try to casually show you something small/nearby, then slowly drag you into a “tour” you will have to pay for. these men are good at what they do & slide you into the situation without even realizing what’s happening. it happened to me in fez & it was extremely frustrating to get dragged around for 20 min knowing i will have to pay for this colossal waste of time. i had to stop my “guide” and forcefully tell him i wanted to be brought back to the main médina, & left alone.
if you do find yourself in a situation where someone is demanding money & is getting aggressive but you’re unable to get out of it, it’s better to just pay & get out of there. i had friends in marrakech who this happened to, and they ended up cornered on an empty street at night with two men threatening to “smash their faces in.” finally a scooter rode by & they cried for help, the man on the bike stopped & yelled at the violent offenders so they were able to escape. at that point, it probably would’ve been better to just pay & get out of there.
how i got conned
in one instance there was a boy who insisted he’d help me get a taxi for free (i was clutching a sick kitten in a box so i believed him) then demanded money. i gave him 20 durham but he wanted more. the cab door was still open and he was holding onto it, preventing me from closing it, and demanding more money. finally the cab driver started to drive off, and between that movement & a strong yank on the door i was able to get it away from him. & you thought getting a cab in nyc was tough!
i also ended up paying for the above mentioned “tour” i didn’t want, as well as someone helping me bring my luggage into the airport. he did so by literally grabbing it out of the cab & taking things out of my hands. in the end i gave him a coin & told him i never wanted his services, something i was clear about but he ignored.
there was also a young boy who hung around my hostel & would try to get money out of me by walking me to the door, despite there being clear signage that i continued to point out, and me firmly saying i didn’t want or need his help & i wouldn’t pay him.
you have to be extremely defensive & even aggressive to avoid this. either get used to being firm & rude, or opening your wallet.
staying safe
if you’re checking a bag you can bring all sorts of goodies like knives and mace. if you’re going with carry on only, such as myself, you have to get a bit more creative. in addition to common sense & the usual tactic ingrained in women to stay safe, here are a couple things i did that made me feel better.
sound genade—i happened upon this nifty little bugger in the clearance luggage/travel section of tj maxx. it’s a small device, maybe the size of a piece of gum but thicker, that you can clip onto your bag. you tug on it to pull the pin out & it squawks at 120 decibels for 30 min, or until the pin is reinserted. drastically louder, scarier, and more incessant than a rape whistle, it attracts attention, confuses the attacker (it’s really fucking loud) and can double as protection against bears. isn’t it sad yet amusing that the same tactics can be used to deter aggressive wildlife as menfolk?
get yerself a big ol’ metal water bottle—my 40oz hydroflask is quite the weapon when fulled loaded. it’s inconspicuous, heavy, hard, fits perfectly in your hand, & will never be taken by security. plus it’s hard to dent & nearly impossible to break, so you won’t have to worry about damaging it. plus it’s easy to clean off the brain matter from it.
always scout an exit route—physically, as well as identifying potential allies in a situation. for me i could continuously scout out other foreigners if i felt like i was in a sketchy or potentially dangerous situation. unfortunately most of the souk owners and men lingering around are all friends with one another, so they don’t make a good backup plan. assess your surroundings at all time (ladies, you know the drill).
look & act confident & capable—the con artists and hecklers target anyone who looks unsure, confused, or lost. avoid looking at your phone incessantly, walk quickly, look confident & even bitchy, & insist that you know where you are going. puff up & put on that resting bitch face.
threaten to call the police—this was a tactic i never used but read on a couple other blogs that it is effective in scaring people off.
bash back—similarly, there are a couple phrases you can use in response for sexual harassment, “suma alik” translates to “shame on you” & “htarm rask” means “respect yourself.” a friend of mine told me about them, and i was able to find more info and pronunciation guides here.
avoid pda or coming out if you’re queer—it is my understanding that tourists can be prosecuted. this is, in my opinion, absolutely not worth risking. pda between hetero couples is even frowned upon, and those in different gender (or different gender presenting) relationships should still use extreme caution. kissing, even a quick peck, will get you looks of shock and disgust.
dress modestly—meaning covered from wrist to ankle, with no low cut shirts. even with this you will likely experience harassment but any skin exposure will gain extra unwanted attention.
in conclusion…
i think overall what burnt me out so quickly was the fact that i was constantly bombarded by men who felt entitled to my time, energy, money, body, etc. and who absolutely blatantly refused to take no for an answer. it was like all the worst things about rape culture shoved down your throat every time you stepped outside, whether they were looking for your money or looking to sexually harass you, it all blurred into the same feelings of overwhelming helplessness.
i think the best ways to handle traveling as a woman alone in morocco is to stay for a shorter amount of time, only go out during the day, stay in groups (preferably with men), and try to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible. having a thick skin & sticking to busier areas/times of the year helps too.
listen to you gut, use whatever self-preservation/care tactics you’re able, and try to keep your exposure time in short blocks so you don’t get too overwhelmed at once. this country is certainly worth seeing, just not at the expense of your own well-being.
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